We looked at womens aid and refuge to understand more about how they work with people who have preiviously been a victim (or still are) of domestic violence.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Amelia's Domestic Violence Story
In her personal domestic violence story, Amelia comes to the realisation, that her entire marriage was horrific and she had finally succeeded in leaving an abusive relationship. This is her story:
It is only now - 3 yrs after he left - that I have realised that it wasn't just the first and last few years of the relationship that was abusive, it was all of it - 21 yrs. The times when there wasn't any domestic violence or any obvious abusive behaviour was the times that I was totally 'under control', the times when I stuck to the rules and didn't go against them, the times when I didn't have an opinion or wasn't outspoken, when I didn't enjoy talking to other people (especially if they were male!), the times when I kept the house immacutely clean, the kids were clean and quiet and the times I didn't go out and leave him to fend for himself.
I met him when I was 21 and he was nearly 20 years older than me, for the first couple of months we had a great time, spending all our spare time together then we got a place and moved in together. I thought it would be fun, after a night out we could go home together but it wasn't like that, he didn't want to go out, then when we did go out he started suggesting I went to visit my parents, he said that Friday nights and Saturday lunchtimes were when 'blokes went to the pub'. By the time Saturday evenings came around he'd then had too much to drink to want to go out or to be able to stay out too long, I just became his taxi driver.
When we moved in together he soon began asking about my previous boyfriends. He wanted to know how long i'd known them before I slept with them and where and how it had happened. When I was vague or didn't want to answer his questions he would get angry, as soon as i got frustrated with him and raised my voice, pleaded with him to stop or tapped him on his arm he would hit me. I would be covered in bruises, mainly on my arms. The main effect of this violence was that I started to change - I stopped being myself. I would avoid any conversation with friends when we were out that would have anything to do with my life before him, I didn't look at or talk to other men. During sex I didn't initiate anything or lose control of myself, he wouldn't like this and would start questioning me about things again.
This is how it was for the next 11 yrs or so, during that time we had 2 children, also during this time there were just a few times when my partner would get angry, maybe push me or call me names, I always thought that his behaviour was my fault, mainly due to the thoughts instilled in me by him at the beginning of the relationship.
Then he found out I was having an affair, this is when the violence really escalated. I could never talk to him and he didn't accept that I was very unhappy. There were a couple of times when I left but it would only be for a day or night and then he'd say the kids were missing me 'come round for tea'. I didn't want to be away from my kids but I couldn't drag them away with me to god knows where either. I had nowhere to go where he wouldn't find me, so I thought it would be better staying until the kids were older. During this time he asked me to marry him, I thought it would make him happy and that the bad times would stop - I was very wrong.
The domestic violence continued throughout 2000 - 2002, the reason he used was that I'd been unfaithful - it was his ideal excuse for his behaviour, he made me feel so bad about myself and for hurting him, that I believed I deserved that kind of treatment - I was at one of my lowest points in my life. The treatment I received for not wanting to give him oral sex was the same if I forgot to buy a loaf of bread - he would get angry, hit me, call me names, then shut himself in the bedroom each night (if the door was shut that meant I had to sleep on the settee or in my daughters bedroom). It would usually be 3-5 days before he spoke to me again, usually in time to take him to the pub at the weekend.
At the end of 2002 I developed a close friendship with a guy I'd met, he cared a lot for me but I didn't want him or anyone else to intervene, I thought it would just make it worse. My husband found out about this relationship after a couple of months and the violence was really bad for a while. I wanted to leave but I couldn't I still thought it would make things worse.
For the next 3 years things just carried on much the same as they had before, I would try and not 'wind' him up and just do what he wanted but there were still episodes of violence, usually at bedtime I used to lie there almost paralysed with fear that he was going to kick off. If he did it would start with him saying how he felt less of a man because of 'what I'd done to him', he told me he couldn't stop thinking about it, this would then escalate to calling me names, asking me questions, then hitting me, trying to strangle me or kicking me out of the bed and onto the floor.
He started to say from time to time that he couldn't stand it anymore and he was going to leave, then a couple of days later he would change his mind. I had to be careful that he didn't see my disappointment each time he changed his mind.
He finally left 3 yrs ago, I really thought that I'd finally got my freedom and my old self back but it wasn't to be - 2 weeks after he left he phoned me one day and asked about me going round for sex at his place - just for 6 weeks he said, just until he gained some confidence and was able to move on and meet someone else. I really didn't want to and we argued on the phone for an hour or so until I finally gave in. When the 6 weeks was up he wanted to do it for a little longer and it went on and on like that until a couple of months ago - I finally realised he wasn't going to put an end to it, I was really finding it more and more difficult to cope with and I was almost at breaking point. With the strength, belief and support of a great friend who I had confided in I told my ex that it wouldn't be happening anymore and that I was now seeing someone. After a couple of more phone calls, plenty of threats and intimidation my ex is now leaving me alone.
Initially I thought I would just avoid him for a few weeks but now I have decided not to speak to him or have any contact with him ever again - he doesn't think he's done anything wrong but I know different. I now know that not only that this wasn't my fault but its not only me that this has happened to.
Witnessing Abuse: Lash's Story
Lash and her brother were children witnessing abuse on their mother. In her story, Lash movingly describes her experience of children exposed to domestic violence and she is struggling to cope with the effects of witnessing the abuse. This is her story:
The violence towards my mother had started before I was even born, but I can only seem to remember from when I was 7 years old and onward. That's probably a good thing.
My father had been smoking weed as far back as high school, so every "friend" he had was like him in many ways, understood why he did the things he did, even if they didn't do the same. My mother didn't have a job, he wouldn't let her, and he barely had a job himself, or at least a really bad one. So we lived in my father's yard, in a trailer and a studio granny flat. My brother and I slept in the trailer, mum and dad slept in the granny flat together on a mattress. My father was my hero when I was younger, I was his princess and he was my prince (in a family way). I was too young to even notice they would fight, or even know what fighting was, or even notice anything was going on at all, but I realized too late.
I was starting to hear/notice the screaming and smashing and banging that was happening, and I can remember my brother as we were lying awake trying to sleep screaming "stop stop just stop!". I never had the guts to say anything though, he was so much braver than me, so I just cried and blocked my ears. I remember laying awake one night hearing yelling and thumps, all of the sudden it all stopped, so I unplugged my ears and hoped it was over. Then my father started yelling "do you want to go to the hospital or not, get in, get in!" and the car start to drive off.
I woke the next morning to walk into the granny flat and see a washcloth on the ground, and a red stain underneath, I then asked my father where my mum was, he just said she went to visit her family, so I left it at that.
Things were normal for a while, until he started taking things out on me. My brother was his favourite, so nothing ever happened to him. My father decided to take us for a walk one day and we ended up at the hospital, we were there to see my mother. We walked in and she had stitches all through her right arm. I asked her what she did but all I got was "I made a silly mistake, it's ok now" I was too young to realize that she'd actually tried to take her own life, thanks to the abuse. She still has those scars, and all the other ones she got from the abuse.
The following years only got harder. I started noticing the bruises on her face, the tears she was shedding, etc. Because I was getting older, I seemed to be getting more involved, it wasn't shut doors when the violence was happening anymore, it would happen right in front of me. I saw my mother get pushed through windows, my mother was even tucking me in one night and my father came in with a butcher's knife threatening her, she had nothing but a needle on the ground, and she tried to defend herself with it, but that didn't work out very well obviously.
When I turned 12, we moved houses. I was making new friends, started 'hanging out' down the street, just doing normal things. My best friend had asked to sleep over, I didn't know what to do, so I warned her about him, she didn't believe me though, so I agreed to let her stay - my father had done nothing in front of anybody who wasn't family anyway, so I figured it should be ok. I was older, so I started sticking up for myself a lot more, I got into an argument with him about my friend and me going to the park at 4 pm. I ran into my room just realizing that I had started an argument with him and sat on my bed with my friend and just as she asked me what happened we heard his footsteps coming down the hallway.
My friend started panicking and asking me what to do, I just told her to climb out of my window if he came in. Then she pointed to my door and said "it's unlocked" so I jumped towards the door just in the nick of time to lock it. He then tried to break it down, luckily for me it was a pretty good lock, he gave up awhile after, my friend and I in tears. I started packing my things, when my father left to go to the pub I went out to mum and told her I was leaving, and said "you may want to live like this but I don't!" and just like that, I up and left, and went to my friend's house with her.
My mother said my father tried everything to find out where I was. I was switching friends' houses each week, he was going to call the cops, call this, call that, but my mother managed to blackmail him into not doing it or she'd tell them what he'd been doing. That night she sat up and thought about what I said, and finally got the courage to tell him he needed to leave. He didn't expect mum to have the balls, so he did, he left.
The morning he left my mum was driving to work, and saw his car heading back to the house, she was so terrified that he was back to get revenge, kill her, stalk her, anything. She came back after work thinking he'd have parked his car around the corner or in a different street because she couldn't see it anywhere, and that he was waiting inside until she got home to kill her. She checked every inch of outside and looked in every window to try and see if he was in there, she couldn't so she got the balls to go into the house and check every inch of it, he wasn't there. Then she bolted up every window, and every door with wood, figuring if he tried to get in, she'd have enough time to escape. He never came though, so I came back home and we were finally a normal family, without a father.
I didn't speak to my dad for a while after that, but he still tried to contact me considering my brother was still keeping contact with him.
But I just couldn't forgive him for what he'd done. Mum had told me she wasn't speaking to him either. I needed to protect her, make sure she never went back to him, so I went through her phone. Which was when I found a message from my dad saying "you are a pathetic piece of shit". So I grabbed my phone and sent him a huge, huge message back, calling him every name under the sun, told him if anyone was pathetic it was him, etc, he should have no contact with this family because he's not a part of it anymore as far as I was concerned.
A year later I called him, I wanted a family, I wanted to know he had changed. So I had a long talk to him, and all he kept telling me was that he never hit my mum, he never hit me etc etc. So I hung up and realized he was just the same.
Another year later he got in contact with me, said he still wanted to be a part of my life. I agreed, saying we have a lot to sort out before anything becomes official or before I even see him though. He disagreed, but accepted it anyway. My father and I speak once every month now, I still haven't gone to see him, and I still don't plan to any time soon as I don't believe he can change. But I do need a father in my life.
I now suffer with depression, and anxiety. And recently suffered from bipolar. As well I'm a hypochondriac. I still cannot get over any of this, I'm still just as shook up, just as sad, just as anything. I'm still trying to get help but nothing seems to be working at the moment. But I shall keep trying, it is my mission to get over this, to be happy, and to live on my dreams and have a wealthy, happy life, with a lovely family of my own.
I'm only 15 now, but being through all this makes you realize so much before you really ever should. But, I'm ok. I'll get through this and I know it. My mother is doing fine too. We're living again, living normally. To anyone who has ever been through, or is going through domestic violence, you will survive, you can survive, so many people have and will. I wish my best to you.
~ Lash
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Character Profile Development (using the 2009 NSPCC report about domestic violence)
To make sure the storyline is accurate and character profiles are as true to life as possible we looked at the official NSPCC report done in 2009 about domestic violence.
The idea of having the child as main focus of the film came these statistics and a quote in a report that said '...police officers rarely engage with children in domestic violence incidents'
The Child
The child in our film will be 11 - 12 as although it is not the most commen age to witness or be involved in the incidents, at this age he will be more likely to be affected and be fully aware of the violence around him at this age. They will also be both the parents biological child.
The idea of having the child as main focus of the film came these statistics and a quote in a report that said '...police officers rarely engage with children in domestic violence incidents'
The child in our film will be 11 - 12 as although it is not the most commen age to witness or be involved in the incidents, at this age he will be more likely to be affected and be fully aware of the violence around him at this age. They will also be both the parents biological child.
The Victim
(The Mother)
The victim,in our film, the mother, will be between the age of 21 - 30, and unemployed.
The victim,in our film, the mother, will be between the age of 21 - 30, and unemployed.
The Perpetrator
(The Father)
Although it is most common for the perpetrator to be unemployed we decide that the father to have a skilled occupation as we wanted the family to have a source of income. He will also be 21 - 30.
Definitions
The Government defines domestic violence as:
"Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality."
Child abuse:
An act, or failure to act, on the part of a parent or caretaker that results in the death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation of a child, or which places the child in an imminent risk of serious harm
NSPCC’s definition of neglect:
Neglect is failure by a parent or carer to meet a child's basic needs (such as love, safety, food, and warmth) in a way that affects their health, development or safety. (See signs of neglect) Harm is not always intended, but it may result e.g. leaving a young child home alone. However, sometimes the child is intentionally deprived.
Initial Idea Dirieved From Jenny Holzer's Blue Purple Tilt Installation (in the Tate Modern)
Transcript
Shriek when the pain hits during interigation
Reach into the dark ages to find a sound that is liquid horror a sound of the brink where man stops and the beast and nameless cruel forces begin
Scream when you life is threatened
Form a noise so true that your tormenter recognises it as a voice that lives in his own throut
The true sound tells him that he cuts his flesh when he cuts yours that he cannot thrive after he tortures you
Scream that he destroys all the kindness in you and blackens every vision you could have shown him
Other lines for the installation peice include:
Unquestioning love demonstrates largest of spirit
Violence is permissible even desirable occasionally
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A teaser trailer is a short trailer usually under thirty seconds used to advertise an upcoming movie. The purpose is not to show the audience clips from the film to show the movie’s plot, instead it is used to make the audience aware that it is coming in the near future and to create a hype about it. They are sometimes made when the film is still being produced. A theatrical trailer is a two to three minute advertisement for movies that plays before a film in a cinema. Traditional trailers were showed at the end of a film. Usually they are other films from the same firm making it valuable because this is advertising their other films.
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